For this reason, Bergner dedicates a whole chapter to fantasies. “In a dark backyard” he brings together sex fantasies of women.
A deep insight that makes you smile and in some places also surprised. Women rarely speak so openly about their desire: The five most popular sex fantasies of women.
1. Rape fantasies
Surely no woman wants to be raped. Fantasy and reality could not be more different.
They behave like two magnets that repel each other. In the imagination, the woman can control the sex scene, even determine who takes her like. In reality, she does not have that control.
For the studies collected by Bergner researchers have interviewed dozens of women, who also in the book repeatedly speak. One says for example:
“Rape. Until very recently, I even had a hard time admitting it to myself. It seemed like a mockery of all activities against sexual violence in college and all the women’s research courses. Several men take turns holding me down. “
Where does this fantasy come from?
Vanessa del Rae, sex coach and author of the book “Silver. Sensual. Sexy. “Does not like the term” rape “in the context. Because it awakens scary pictures.
She has talked to many women about such fantasies of sex and says that “in many women the desire or even the longing slumbers to be” taken “by a man and thus to feel his male strength.
In the sense of utmost desirability and passion, but combined with the utmost attention for the woman – with a hardness that at the same time does not hurt her “.
“I imagine I would be taken. In my whole life, I would wish for more of it: That my husband takes command. “
Another phenomenon that explains the rape fantasy according to psychologists, is a so-called excitement transfer. Den has Cindy Meston observed. The psychologist is researching at the University of Texas in Austin .
In one experiment, she has discovered that the circuits of panic and sexual arousal are interconnected in the brain. Rape scenes trigger fear and that in turn increases the desire. And that is exactly the excitation transfer in this sex fantasy.
2. Sex fantasy: orgies
Why should women be satisfied with a single man? That can be increased. Orgies occur in the sex fantasies of many women, Bergner writes. Whether with two, three or even seven other men, women or both: In the imagination, there are apparently no limits, as the statements in Bergner’s book show:
“Men and women. More men, as long as I was single, now more women. “
It’s not just about having sex with others. Violence and power can also play a role in this sexual fantasy, as the following quote shows:
“I am tied up and my eyes are connected while someone I love shares with a number of other people whom I can not see.”
“This is a fantasy that I often hear from men and women. Here the fantasy can be lived out together with the partner. Both should agree on limits and then comply with them, “explains Vanessa del Rae.
“To save a relationship with ‘this is not suitable. The couple should have a mature relationship and be aware that the shot can also backfire. Keyword: jealousy. “
3. Young girl meets old man
The American scientist and sex therapist Marta Meana defused the term “rape fantasies”. Instead, she uses the phrase “submission fantasies”.
Submission and authority also play a role in the sexual fantasy “young girl meets old man” . Older men are often equated with strength and experience. You know what you want. And take it.
“A married, older man I work with and to which I do not even feel attracted, fucks me from behind while he pushes me against a blackboard – we work in a school – and my face beats against it. Then he turns me over to give him a blowjob. He comes in my face. “
“Older men are more experienced and sophisticated in their sexuality. Maybe they can give women a better sense of security and security , “says del Rae about this sexual fantasy.
“Even though such women are said to be older, the older man would be a father substitute – there are often similarities: as long as they are both comfortable and happy, why not. Not infrequently, money also plays a role. “
4. Sex in public
Also, the British researcher Brett Kahr dedicated a few years ago, the sex fantasies of men and women in a study. Twenty-two percent of women have the fantasy of watching someone having sex.
In “The Hidden Lust of Women,” women’s quotes show that they do not just want to have sex under observation. They would also like to observe strangers while having sex.
“Another couple has sex near me, so I can see them. Someone licks or touches me, maybe two people, and then a man takes me from behind. “
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In reality, few women may imagine having sex in public. However, the thought arouses some women in their imagination.
The danger of being caught in a public place causes the brain to react to the “arousal transfer” reaction. The circuits of panic and tension combine with sexual arousal.
“The charm of the” forbidden apple “has always been a magnet. So it is also a common fantasy to have sex in public or semi-public places where there is a risk of being taken by surprise, ” says Vanessa del Rae, sex coach.
“Places that are often referred to me are elevators, locker rooms in department stores, copy rooms, broom closets, or parks.”
The desire for voyeurism is as old as humanity itself. The study by the Canadian researchers BJ Rye and Glenn J. Meaney shows: 40 percent of women are not averse to voyeurism.
5. Sex Fantasy: An eerie stranger
A stranger is especially common in women’s sex fantasies. The stranger has no face, no identity, no name. He is anonymous.
Somehow he is a bit scary, too. Because he emerges from nowhere and then disappears silently again. What is he planning to do?
“My boss, a stranger in a bar, my dad’s friend. Horny and demanding. “
With him a woman can do anything. He does not know her. And they probably never meet again. That’s why it’s casual. A woman can do in this sex fantasy and leave what she wants.
–By Katharina Hoch