The Two Most Important Words for Every Relationship
A few days ago I read this post on Facebook: “If you could send a message to your younger self – what would you say in two words?”
One of the answers I read was “grow up,” “be persistent,” “trust,” “trust God,” “I’m enough,” and a pretty depressing one: “Stay Single.” It could have come from a pretty happy single or, more likely, from an unhappy married or divorced person.
My two words are “trust” and “loyalty”. In response to the Facebook post, they make no sense, at least without a little explanation. And that should deliver this article.
When I speak of “trust” and “loyalty,” I mean the two most important things you should look for when searching for Mr. Right.
Looking back at the past (when I was young and stupid), my criteria for a good relationship were these:
1. Do I feel attracted to him? Is he a good kisser?
2. Is he funny? Will he make me laugh?
3. Is he interesting / intelligent? Is he familiar with world affairs?
4. Does he want to get married and start a family?
5. Would my friends and family like him?
6. Is he ambitious? Self Motivated?
7. Do I enjoy spending time with him?
Although all of these things can be important qualities of a partner, I still feel that I have given too little importance to “trust” and “loyalty” in the past.
Can I trust him? I mean that’s right?
Do I trust that he will never cheat on me? Do I trust him enough to mix my finances with his? Do I trust him with my children / future children? Do I trust his judgment, his friendship, his love for me? In other words, do I trust him so much that I could fall backwards into his arms?
Will he be loyal to me?
Will he stay by my side, no matter what? If I get cancer, will he take care of me? If I go broke, will he support me? Will he be loyal to the relationship? If we fight, will he fight to make our relationship work? Is he really there for me, in good times or in bad times? If I become extremely successful in my job, get promoted five times and suddenly earn hundreds of thousands of dollars, he will be happy for me, or he will become jealous. If I get Alzheimer’s, will he take care of our children? Will he come to visit me?
These things should have been at the top of my list when I was young. But as sad as it is, the “what if” did not occupy my mind as much as it would have done me good.
Well, as I got older and experienced dating after a divorce, I really know what the important qualities are.
I’m not saying that physical attraction does not matter. It even plays a big role. And also all the other things that I have listed between point 1 and 7.
But “trust” and “loyalty” are at the top of my list when it comes to what I’m really looking for in my Mr. Right. It’s the two things that make a marriage last. And the last thing anyone wants after a divorce is another divorce.
Trust and loyalty. I can not tell my younger self anymore, that’s why I say it to YOU. Keep these two words close to your heart and do not get involved with someone who does not fulfill those expectations one hundred percent. These are the gifts you deserve in your next relationship. It’s the things that will give you true happiness and make Mr. Right the ultimate Mr. Right.