Did you ever play “Never Have I Ever” in college? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something that you’ve never done (and as human nature goes, the experiences shared are usually sexual). If you’ve done it, you have to put one finger down, and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses or wins, depending on how you look at it.
One day we all have to become grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop playing Never Have I Ever, or better yet — checking things off your bucket list. AskMen is still playing, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to a couple about something they’ve always wanted to try in bed. They tell us about the fantasy, and why it turns them on. Then, they actually do it, and we get the lowdown on how the experience matched the fantasy.
When we think about sex parties, the mind often conjures images of orgies with strangers, or naked models in masks. Are sex parties secret societies akin to Eyes Wide Shut? Are they safe? What if they turn you on, but you’re in a committed relationship?
As a sex writer who has been to more than her fair share, I can assure you, that when done properly, a sex party is much safer than a frat party, as members are screened, taught about consent, and there are usually guardians on sight making sure everything happening is safe and consensual. Orgies with strangers can take place, but like most social events, a good sex party is what you make it.
Sylvia and Dion are a couple in their 20s living in San Francisco. They’re passionately in love and enjoy a sex life that reflects that. While they are monogamous, many of their friends are in open relationships, and they sex/sex_tips/kinky-sex-acts.html” target=”_self”>enjoy kinky sex, such as role-playing, use of toys and restraints, and frequently check in with one another to make sure they’re both happy and satisfied in their relationship. Neither of them has ever been a sex party before, but it was on both of their sexual bucket lists.
However, they had questions. Could they go and only sleep with one another? Wouldn’t a sex party be so hot they may end up fooling around with someone else, and then regretting it later? Would people watching them make love be creepy, or hot? After selecting a party that friends assured them was classy and safe, not sleazy, they dressed up in costume (yeah, most sex parties require some sort of costume) and went. What happened, and how did it affect their relationship?
Read on to learn about Sylvia and Dion’s first sex party experience.
AskMen: What made you want to go to a sex party in the first place?
Dion: I think it was mostly curiosity for me.
Sylvia: Yeah, I was curious as well. I have so many friends in the scene who love it. But I admit I was nervous, I don’t know, sex parties are still taboo, and most of my friends in the scene are [polyamorous], and we’re not, but we decided to go and just sleep with one another.
How did the conversation go down?
Sylvia: It was an ongoing conversation. I feel like we’ve been talking about going to a sex party for months, honestly. And then our friend invited us to one that she’s involved with; it was small, and under-water themed, haha, so we said yes.
Dion: We might try playing with others at some point, but for our first time we decided that we would just have sex with one another and see if we liked the scene.
So did you? How did the fantasy of a sex party match up with the reality?
Dion: Well, it was more of a normal party than I expected, to start. It took a few hours before people started having sex, but it was held in a house, and the first part was just drinks and mingling and like a Burning Man-type-vibe party with everyone all dressed up. I think I expected to walk into a full-blown orgy, but the sex started happening naturally, people just kind of started pairing off.
Sylvia: Also, watching sex in real life isn’t like porn. I mean yes, we both got super turned on watching everyone else have sex, but you know there’s condoms around, and lube, and starting and stopping. That’s one thing I keep telling everyone, watching sex in real life is different than watching it in porn.
So basically, it sounds like everything was more realistic and “normal” than you expected. What were your concerns, if any, going in?
Dion: We agreed to just have sex with each other, but I have to admit, I don’t know, part of me wondered if we, or me, or Sylvia, would end up getting super turned on and approached by someone else, and we’d have group sex or sex with other people, and in the moment it would be fine, but the next day we’d feel weird about it.
Did that happen?
Sylvia: No, it was perfect, honestly. We waited until other people started having sex because we didn’t want to be the first ones. The thing about sex parties, I mean duh, but just being in that environment is so hot. We were both so turned on, and after a bit of watching went into one of the rooms upstairs and just fucked.
Dion: There was another couple in there, and some guys hanging around. That was the part I thought would be creepy, but it turns out that I really get off on dudes watching me fuck Sylvia.
I very much understand. And for you, Sylvia? How was it?
Sylvia: Oh god I’m addicted. I came so hard. I was watching the other couple fuck while Dion went down on me and Jesus Christ, I haven’t come that hard in a long time. And then, to be honest, after we both came, we dipped and went home.
So it sounded like it went above and beyond expectations. Will you go again? Do you think you’d ever hook up with other people or do some group stuff?
Dion: Maybe a few more times just us, but after this I’m open to it.