BDSM Life Style

3 Ways You Can Learn About Your Limits When You Are New to BDSM

I know how you feel right now. You’ve discovered this thing called BDSM book lists and the sheer number of opinions on BDSM at your own pace and to help you figure out what you want to explore and how to do so.

Learning what you might like or dislike is a challenge, but not one you can’t face with the right tools. Sure, you may talk to people that will likely ask you what your limits are – especially if you talk about kinky sex. They probably forgot the feeling of confusion they first had when they didn’t know either. I know I was scared to death that when asked what my limits were or what I liked and didn’t like I couldn’t answer them. I just didn’t know! Would that make me an outcast? How can I belong if I don’t know word one about what I might like?

Well, let me tell you that you can figure out a few things that will help you on the road to knowing what your limits are. I’m going to cover what types of limits there are and then three ways you can begin to figure out what your own limits are. It will require you to do some homework so be prepared to learn more about yourself and the world of BDSM and you can be sure that there will be things you aren’t interested in, refuse to do all together or will only do in special circumstances. These limits are those lines we just won’t cross. Everyone has them so don’t feel like your list is some billboard of how non-kinky you are. But, you do need to figure out some of what’s on that list before you start exploring or you could wind up in a situation that goes against any of your desires, and who would want that?

There are three types of limits that you should concern yourself with as you think about your kinky interests; soft limits, hard limits, and triggers.

      Soft limits are actions or activities that you do not wish to do but are willing to explore under the right circumstances with the right person. Soft limits are meant to be explored.

      Hard limits are actions or activities you will not do under any circumstances; based on fear or moral issues

      Triggers are involuntary social, mental or physical responses that you can not control, or may even know about until they happen. Often triggers exist when abuse or trauma has happened to the individual and your mind will program a fight or flight response when that trigger is activated.

If you’d like to explore the basics of limits further, check out the following posts on Submissive Guide:

Three Ways To Learn Your Limits

I promised you up there in the title that I was going to give you three ways to discover your limits while you are still new to BDSM.

Checklists

A checklist is often a personal curated, extensive list of If I Ever See Another Checklist I Will Scream: An Extremely Thorough Play Checklist

    CEPE: Printable BDSM.

    On a sheet of paper or in your journal, start brainstorming or mind-mapping what BDSM to begin with. Was it bondage, blindfolds, submitting to your partner? Or perhaps spanking, pinching and scratching during sex? Whatever ideas you have get them on the page. Then go back and rate them by the level of interest you have in them and whether you’ve tried them or not. Don’t overlook things you’ve read about keep a dream diary you can pull thoughts and ideas from it as far as what you might be into and what you might not be into. Remember, what happens in your dreams or fantasies may not go the same way in real life so keep your head out of the clouds when trying to figure out how far you are willing to go on certain activities. It’s great to have fantasies, but realizing that some need to remain so will make it easier on you as you explore.

    Trial and Error

    I admit that this option maybe the hardest to do, especially if you are currently without a partner to explore with. But, all the same, it’s a great way to dip your toes in the water and still learn what you may or may not like and let’s face it, will eventually be the only way you’ll know for sure if your introspection or checklist are complete and thorough.

    The good news is that some of the kinky things you can do can be tested solo. Now it won’t quite be the same, but tastes are where it’s at right now. For example, if you are interested in spanking, try giving yourself a little spanking. You can even up the intensity with a wooden spoon or the back of a brush. You control the impact so you will likely pull your swings a bit, but this is for kinky science so give it a go!

    Another way you can explore safely without a partner is through your local found the local community already.

    In whatever capacity you begin to learn what your likes, dislikes, and limits are take the time to understand them and how they make you a unique individual in the

Author Since: Jul 26, 2018

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