Fifty Shades of Grey, Consent and the Media's Representation of Kink
We all knew that the Fifty Shades of Grey movie would bring about a conversation regarding BDSM
The article makes a solid point about consent. In fact, this is one of the things I love most about D/s: Everything is discussed in advance. I know exactly what to expect, and the rules are as clear as day. Break the rules, and suffer the consequences. If only the Vanilla World had these kinds of discussions.
What Christian Grey is into is what he’s into, and according to the book, he had 15 women who enjoyed his brand of kink. They were consenting adults who came back for more. His contract with those women allowed them to leave at any point they chose, and it also stated that they could leave if he ever violated the rules himself. Consent is everything.
Imagine having an exclusivity clause in a Vanilla relationship. You sign a contract in the beginning of the relationship that sets the consequences for a dalliance with another person. That’s right—a contract that covers cheating. That’s unheard of in the Vanilla World (with the exception of prenuptial agreements that cover it), and it would create many interesting challenges if it was a widespread phenomenon. The BDSM. With a D/s relationship, there is a power play involved. A submissive gives up control to the Dominant. If the submissive doesn’t do her research or finds that the Dominant is absolutely clueless, she can be in a world of trouble.
A Dominant who knows what he’s doing is a wonderful thing. Under that guidance, the submissive can blossom. But if a submissive finds herself with an inexperienced Dominant—or worse yet, an imposter Dominant—the submissive could be subjected to physical and emotional abuse that will leave her damaged for life. If you’re looking to enter a D/s relationship or dip your toes into the pool before diving in, do your homework. Talk to people in the community. Ask for references if you meet a Dominant that you want to play with. Just because someone claims to be a Dominant doesn’t mean it’s true.
Conduct Your Own Research
Most of this information is old hat for seasoned kinksters, but with so many newbies flocking to the lifestyle, I wanted to throw in my two cents. Fifty Shades of Grey is a great escapist movie, and it does give you a glimpse into some aspects of the kinky lifestyle–but only some aspects. There’s a whole world of kink out there. If you’re curious, great! Go out and see what grabs your interest. Just make sure you do it on your own terms, and don’t let the media tell you what to think or how to feel about it.