Surprise! Sex is complicated. All sorts of things can go awry (totally normal stuff, like not being able to get wet, those fun little things called queefs, and even broken penises). And that’s before you even worry about orgasming—because, FYI, that can be a struggle for a lot of women too.
But, surprisingly enough, telling your partner what you want in bed can seem more daunting than even the most elite Kama Sutra sex position. In an ideal world, we’d all be able to say exactly what we like and how we like it, no hesitations and #nofilter. Obviously, that isn’t always the case, whether it’s because you’re a little nervous around a new partner, can’t figure out the best way to bring it up, don’t want to hurt their feelings, or just don’t know what works for you. (The best way to solve the latter? Treat yo’self to a mind-blowing solo sesh.)
Take these cues from Shape sexpert Dr. Logan Levkoff: It’s always better to be upfront about your sexual needs from the beginning. But if you’ve bitten your tongue or faked too many orgasms to go back (like 80 percent of women who admit to faking at least half the time, according to this study from the U.K.), you can go with one of Dr. Levkoff’s convo starters: “I saw this thing in a video that looked really hot,” or “this sex lady on the Internet told me it’s really important to communicate,” etc. (We also have tips from Sexpert Dr. Emily Morse that will help you pick the right time, place, and way to initiate the #realtalk.)
Trading a little awkwardness for an countless awesome Os? Totally worth it. Who knows, talking about what you want might even lead to a little dirty talk. Get it, girl.