BDSM Life Style

I'm Ready to Get Kinky, How Do I Talk To My Partner?

So I am not satisfied with my boyfriend. I don’t know how to go about telling him, I want to be dominated. I am not responding to vanilla sex anymore, and need more. I need/want him to be domineering, to know he will take care of my wants and needs. We have had bumps in the road, but he has taken more of the lead in our everyday life and has treated me with kindness, respect, love, and much more since he has taken for lack of better words… Head out of his butt…

What I find lacking is the heat in the bedroom. We have chemistry, and there is still that spark, but I am not being fulfilled, and honestly, I don’t think he is either. I guess I am nervous about having this conversation, and I am uneducated in this area… I have only begun to research this lifestyle. I am not sure where to go from here. I definitely know that this is something I want/need. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Ready to Get Kinky

Hey there, Kinky! It seems to me that you know the first part of this answer, but you’re nervous which is understandable. You need to sit down with him and have a conversation about what you want from him and your relationship. That’s the first part of the answer, but that’s not enough, I know.

Knowing you need to talk isn’t the same as actually having the conversation and saying the words. What’s encouraging to me, based on your letter, is that he’s taken a lead in your everyday life, which may mean he has some dominant tendencies already. It’s possible he could be waiting for you to tell him you want him to take the lead in the bedroom. This is especially possible because you’re sensing that he’s not being fulfilled with what you have now.

So step one, realize you need to talk to him. Yes, it’s nerve-wracking, and you may break out into a sweat thinking about it, but go ahead and get used to the idea. If you go down this kinky road, whether into a full D/s relationship or just with a little bit of kink, you’ll need to spend a lot of time talking because communication is one of the top “rules” of D/s and going to need to talk a lot – about what you like, don’t like, how you feel, what you think, you name it.

  • Realize that D/s is a two-way street. You want him to take care of your needs and wants, well, you also need to be prepared to take care of his needs and wants, too – within your personal limits. You’ll need to talk about what you both want and need, and then figure out what works best for both of you.
  • Take it slow. Even if he’s really enthusiastic and wants to get kinky right away, don’t jump into the more extreme aspects of the lifestyle – bondage, floggings, etc. – until you’ve had time to learn how to do that stuff. Start small and work up to other things that sound interesting or turn you on.
  • Keep researching, ask questions of people online who are in the lifestyle, join forums, and have the conversation with him. You never know what may happen between you two – it could exceed your wildest dreams. I hope it does!

    Author Since: Jul 26, 2018

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