As a submissive or slave, there are a lot of things our owners give to us. To me, two important things that owners can give to their property is a collar of ownership and an orgasm and I was reminded of the second gift while reading. This is the next in my series of passages from Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty Trilogy. Go back and read the first one, “The Longing of Being Owned,” if you missed it.
“I have taught you much, and I am so very pleased with you,” he said, “and so now you know a new suffering, a new sacrifice for your Lord and Master. I could soothe the burning craving between your legs but I shall let you suffer it and know the meaning of it, and that only your Prince can give you that relief you long for.”
When I came across this passage, it instantly brought a former dominant of mine to mind. He was really big into orgasm control. Even more so with me because he quickly realized how insanely crazy it made me. I know he totally got off on the fact that I was driven insane by my lack of orgasms and he even told me this more than once. I’d be there, tied to the bed, wiggling around, craving to be allowed to cum and the whole time he would be standing over me just smiling. Irritated the shit out of me. Which of course, just brought more enjoyment to his face.
I remember one time specifically. He had just scened with me, I’m horny as hell and wanting to orgasm. I hadn’t orgasmed in over two weeks and was fit to be tied. I needed the release. I wanted the release. I craved release. But, he kept me just on the verge of orgasm. I was silently condemning him to hell over this, thinking how I just might have to smack him once I was free(yes, I know not a very submissive thing to think, but when you’re on the verge, your mind really goes elsewhere)and while thoughts of his demise were running through my mind, he started to talk. The words he spoke that evening totally changed the way I looked at my suffering.
He told me that he knew good and well how much I was suffering and that I should enjoy my suffering as I was doing so for him. That I had been looking at my plight all wrong. That instead of looking at it as what I couldn’t have, that I should look at as in what he was giving me. I’m still laying there thinking “Blah, blah blah, hurry up with your speech and get out the Hitachi and go to town”. He continued and told me that by controlling my orgasm, it was another way he was able to exercise control over me. That every time I didn’t allow myself to orgasm, I was allowing myself to submit to him. These words silenced all the frustrating thoughts that were going through my head. When I was with him, it was early on in path to the lifestyle. And for some reason, at that moment, things inside my head clicked that hadn’t before.
I realized that other than just being a sick, sadistic bastard, he knew what he was doing. While being tortured, my mind was going a million miles an hour. I felt like for the first time since being with him, I was really listening to him, that I had gotten what submission was really about. When I was finally allowed to orgasm, it was one of the most earth shattering orgasms that I had ever had. That was the first time I orgasmed and realized that my orgasm that I ever had for him, and not for myself.
After that particular meeting, my entire mindset changed. My orgasms were no longer for me. The orgasms I wasn’t allowed to have, it wasn’t an annoyance, it was a sign of my submission. Also with this control, he had over me, he was able to help me focus better and help me deal with my anxiety better. Whenever I found myself anxious or unable to focus, he would have me masturbate until right before I was ready to orgasm and would have me stop. It was amazing the effect it had on me. I realized the fire I had burning inside was for him, for his enjoyment. And it was a wonderful feeling.
Ever since then, I have looked at orgasms in a whole new light. Even though Daddy isn’t big into orgasm control, I know every orgasm I have is for Him, not just for my enjoyment, but His as well. I feel that as a slave or submissive, we should see that our orgasms are not only for our enjoyment(because I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy them!) but also as a gift. The fact that your owner is giving you this gift, this relief that only they can give to you, is such an amazing and overwhelming act of submission.