There’s absolutely nothing wrong with adding a little Lisa Frank-style rainbow and glitter to your life. Whether it comes in the form of toast, a frappuccino, or even unicorn noodles, there’s no shame in hopping on the unicorn bandwagon—after all, if technicolor pixie dust can’t make you smile, what can?
But in case you were wondering how far this trend would go, we’ve officially hit the climax—literally. A company called Pretty Woman Inc. is selling a literal vaginal glitter bomb called Passion Dust. Its purpose? To give you a “sparkly, flavored orgasm.” (Because apparently, regular orgasms aren’t good enough as-is.) Like everything unicorn that has graced the interwebs in the past year, it was an immediate hit, promptly selling out on the company’s website.
Passion Dust is “a sparkalized capsule that is inserted into the vagina at least one hour prior to having sexual intercourse. As the capsules become increasingly warmed and moistened by the natural vaginal fluids it begins to dissolve, releasing the sparkling, candy-flavored Passion Dust inside of the capsule,” according to the website.
Sure, having a Milky Way Galaxy-themed hookup sounds kinda fun, but just the thought of shoving a little glitter pill up there seems a litttttle questionable. Ask any doc, and they’re pretty much guaranteed to confirm your fears: “Foreign bodies in the vagina can disrupt its pH and potentially lead to vaginitis or other infections,” according to Angela Jones, M.D., a board-certified ob-gyn, as we reported in our story on whether jade eggs are safe to put inside your vagina. (Spoiler alert: they’re not.)
The company behind Passion Dust insists that their cosmetic-grade glitters and gem powders are non-toxic and are round (rather than hexagonal), decreasing the risk of irritation from sharp edges. The ingredients include gelatin capsules, starch-based edible glitter, acacia (gum arabic) powder, Zea Mays starch, and vegetable stearate.
“There are more harmful glitters, chemicals, and additives in the lip gloss you wear or the highlighter on your face or eyeshadow than what is in this product,” according to the Passion Dust website. They argue that you’ve already inhaled or ingested more hazardous glitter and chemicals without getting sick, and that nothing going into a vagina is 100 percent safe— from tampons, douche, powders, and perfumes to toys, lubes, lotions, oils, and even dirty nails and fingers. According to the website, “If you’ve ever had vaginal issues you had them before you used Passion Dust anyway… The fact is, nothing should go in there and if it does, you have to use your own discretion when deciding what those things will be.”
However, just because certain substances don’t pose risks to your body in other areas doesn’t mean they’re safe for your vagina: For example, fruits and veggies are great for going in your stomach but are a bad idea going anywhere near your lady parts. Even organic produce that’s been scrubbed clean still carries bacteria, introducing microbes to your genitals and upsetting the normal balance of bacteria in the vagina, potentially triggering an infection, according to Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., clinical associate professor of ob-gyn at Yale School of Medicine, as we reported in 10 Things You Should Never Put Near Your Vagina.
Health risks aside, let’s just take a sec to think about why these glitter capsules were concocted in the first place: to turn your lady parts into a mystical, out-of-this-world experience. Specifically, the website explains that “the flavor is sweet like candy but not overly sweet, just enough to make your lover feel that your Yara (water-lady or little butterfly) is what all vaginas are supposed to look, feel and taste like; soft, sweet and magical!”
Um, excuse me, but last time I checked, *all* vaginas are magical regardless of whether they’re soft or sweet or spewing glitter or not. They do much better than enchant fairytale princes or send small mammals into song—they give birth to freaking human life.
And, seriously, when’s the last time you saw a product marketed to dudes promising to make their genitals more appealing? (Dick disco balls? Suppositories to make semen taste like cupcakes?)
Never? Yeah, thought so. It’s about time the world decides to love and appreciate our majestic “little butterflies” for the naturally magical things that they are—no glitter required.