Never Have I Ever: Been In A Polyamorous Relationship

Did you ever play “Never Have I Ever” in college? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something that you’ve never done (and as human nature goes, the experiences shared are usually sexual). If you’ve done it, you have to put one finger down, and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses or wins, depending on how you look at it.

One day we all have to become grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop playing Never Have I Ever, or better yet — checking things off your bucket list. AskMen is still playing, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to a couple about something they’ve always wanted to try in bed. They tell us about the fantasy, and why it turns them on. Then, they actually do it, and we get the lowdown on how the experience matched the fantasy.

Sara and Jared met in 2010, before Tinder even existed, and pretty much fell in love on their first date. They moved in together and began to plan a life together. About six years in, Jared slipped and cheated. At the same time, Sara had become very distant from him as she was growing closer and closer to a coworker.

They were going to break up, until they did something incredibly hard: They made the decision to forgive one another, learn from their mistakes, and stay together. And for them, that meant switching from a monogamous relationship to a polyamorous relationship, despite neither of them having any experience with the relationship format.

Over the phone, the New York couple got ultra-vulnerable and honest about their decision, how hard it was (and is) and shared advice for other long-term couples considering their options.

AskMen: So, what prompted you to try polyamory?

Sara: Well, my point is proved by you writing about it, but basically, polyamory is everywhere. We live in New York City and know plenty of poly people but having been together since 2010 when it was still sort of underground, we just never tried it. But then, as happens in long-term relationships, we had our issues and decided to try opening up rather than breaking up.

Can you elaborate on what you mean by “issues?”

Jared: I cheated, basically. Not basically, it’s the facts. I was out of town for a concert with friends, Sara and I were going through a rough patch, and I went home with some random girl. It meant nothing, but it killed me. I knew I didn’t want to lose Sara and the life we built, but I also was scared to promise that it would never happen again. So, after many, many talks, and couples therapy, we decided to open up our relationship.

Sara: I wanted to die when I found out that he cheated. But honest to god, the idea of him having sex with someone else didn’t bother me. However, the fact that he kept it a secret for weeks, unknowingly possibly exposing me to STDs, and feeling like an idiot for living in the dark while his friends knew, killed me. It was the dishonesty, not the sex.

So why go with polyamory? Polyamorous is a Latin word that translates to more than one love. Most poly people date more than one person. Why not just sexually open up?

Jared: Well, on the flip side, not to totally call you out, but Sara wasn’t the perfect partner at the time either.

Sara: I didn’t sleep with anyone else, but I was having what I realize in retrospect was an emotional affair. I became super close with a coworker. We wrote each other intimate emails daily, and he became the person I turned to, not Jared. I just wasn’t present. I thought I was falling in love with my coworker, but I also still loved Jared, and oh God, it was so confusing. I did love more than one person. So after many, many long nights and difficult conversations, we decided that even if we called it an open relationship, at least for me, feelings may become involved with other partners at some point. Polyamory is a more honest term for us.

Jared: It’s funny, what was hard for me was thinking of Sara f*cking other men. I can be sexually jealous. I didn’t really care if she became close with someone, as long as she didn’t just disappear from me. But for her, it was the opposite. It was about the time and emotions. Different people process jealousy differently.

How long ago was this, and how has your relationship changed since you began life as a poly couple?

Jared: This was about a year ago, and honestly, we’re still figuring it out. We still disagree and get jealous. We still go to couples’ therapy. I have two secondary partners I see regularly, whereas Sara dates less, but has sex with more people. Ha, it’s hard. I tell you. It’s more honest than monogamy, at least for us, but I don’t have an easy answer for you. We’re still figuring it out.

Sara: As a quick side note, we’ve also become involved in New York’s poly community, which has been a lifesaver. Having other people to talk to to remind you that yes, you can be poly and still feel jealousy, and friends who don’t judge is everything. Plus, the pool of people we date and sleep with are most often also poly and seeing others who understand the lifestyle saves you a lot of time and possible hurt feelings of bringing someone new into the lifestyle. I mean, we’re already new.

Jared: Yeah, we don’t use dating apps much. We go to poly cocktails and events and meet other people in real life. Old school dating for the modern lifestyle.

First of all, thank you for being so open about how difficult it’s been. I think a lot of people assume poly people just live in an alternate universe of constant sex and no hard feelings. Any advice for monogamous folks considering it?

Sara: Well, ultimately, we decided to open up because we didn’t want to lose one another. People break up all the time over coworker jealousy or cheating that was just meaningless sex. I think such things happen far more often than most want to admit. What I’ve learned from the decision to try polyamory is that love becomes a decision. Yes, at first, it’s a spark and a feeling, but that NRE [new relationship energy, which is a term the poly community uses] doesn’t last. At some point continuing a relationship is a decision. It makes me really sad to think of all the couples who genuinely loved one another but broke up over a drunk hook-up. We became poly because we decided we wanted to be together while accepting monogamy can be really unrealistic and hard as hell.

RELATED: sex/naughty_sex/never-have-i-ever-a-couple-has-a-threesome.html” target=”_self”>Never Have I Ever: Had A Threesome… Until Now

Jared: She’s better spoken than I, but yes to all that. And just like you said, it’s hard. Get ready to talk about your relationship… a lot.

Never Have I Ever: Gone Swinging

Did you ever play “Never Have I Ever” in college? Here are the rules: Everyone puts up ten fingers, and you go around in a circle and one by one share something that you’ve never done (and as human nature goes, the experiences shared are usually sexual). If you’ve done it, you have to put one finger down, and of course, drink. The first person to put all 10 fingers down loses or wins, depending on how you look at it.

One day we all have to become grown-ups, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop playing Never Have I Ever, or better yet — checking things off your bucket list. AskMen is still playing, and the rules are simple: In each edition of this column, we speak to a couple about something they’ve always wanted to try in bed. They tell us about the fantasy, and why it turns them on. Then, they actually do it, and we get the lowdown on how the experience matched the fantasy.

Caroline enjoys a successful career in New York City’s music industry, but up until recently, there was one unaccomplished mission in her life, and that was swinging. What is swinging exactly? It’s a type of group sex, but the term “group sex” is like candy: it’s an umbrella term for all sorts of flavors. An orgy is group sex with many people of any gender involved. A gang bang typically refers to one woman having sex with more than two men. We all know what a threesome is, and swinging is when two couples meet, swap partners, and then usually finish off the night by having sex with one another. If that sounds hot to you, you’re not alone.

RELATED: sex/sex_tips/everything-you-need-to-know-about-swinging.html” target=”_blank”>Everything You Need To Know About Swinging

Caroline is polyamorous, meaning that within her romantic partnerships, she both dates and sleeps with more than one person. However, despite her open-minded relationship format, and living in an open-minded city riddled with sex clubs, it took her a while to fulfill her swinging fantasy. That is, until she began dating her current primary partner, and decided to casually bring it up on a Netflix and Chill-themed Valentine’s Day. Her partner agreed, and they began investigating the New York City swinging scene and creating swinger profiles on dating apps. They successfully met up with and slept with another couple on Feeld, formerly known as 3nder, a hook-up app designed to help facilitate group sex (and apparently it works). Since then, Caroline and her partner have enjoyed many more swinging nights. But wait, there’s more: Her first swinging experience was also the first time she hooked up with another woman. Did she get jealous seeing her partner have sex with someone else in front of her, or was it just hot as hell? Keep reading to find out.

AskMen: Will you tell me about your fantasy you had been wanting to try? What was it, and what about it appealed to you?
I’ve been an exhibitionist and a voyeur as far back as I can remember, so watching and being watched has always appealed to me on an intellectual level. I’d wanted to try group sex for a long time because it appeals to both those things; plus being overstimulated, given tons of attention, and having a multitude of fun bodies and distractions seemed like the holy grail of fucking.

What kept you (until now) from trying it?
I hadn’t had the right partner(s) who would be willing to experiment in that way. I’m in a poly relationship where we date and sleep with other people separately, so it seemed like a natural progression to try dating other people together. My partner is much more willing and curious to try new things and I feel more comfortable and supported because of it.

You mentioned that you and your partner swing — how do you meet the other couples?
Primarily Feeld, and a few from Tinder and OkCupid. I love online dating for all relationship structures because it allows me to get a sense for people’s personalities and values before meeting up. One couple we date is an ex of mine who was into cuckolding. I thought his girlfriend was cute, so I suggested we all go out and I’m glad my gut instinct was right because it’s some of the most fun sex I’ve ever had. We’ve never picked up another couple at a bar, but that is definitely a goal.

What do you think it is about your current partnership that led you two to try it? Was it trust, love, and communication — all that one would want in a relationship?
All of those things! Feeling supported and loved creates space for experimentation. It’s easier for me to be vulnerable when all those cards are in my deck. Since my partner doesn’t experience jealousy, he encourages me to be sexually free at every opportunity, and this includes exploring my queerness much more.

What sort of talks did you guys have before deciding to try it?
It was pretty cute. On Valentine’s Day this year we got really stoned and were having a “Netflix and chill” kind of night, and I point blank was like, “How would you feel about having group sex?” There was a lot of giggling, and downloading of Feeld, and talking about different scenarios that would be hot vs tolerable, and downright bad. We were super nervous to go on our first date from Feel’d back in February but I’m so glad we did; it was an awesome experience.

Will you tell me about swinging? What was it like the first time you played with another couple?

The thing that’s really special about swinging/swapping is experiencing the love and chemistry between others and sharing ours with others in return. It’s super hot to hook up with someone else, get them off, then finish with your (fluid bonded) partner. Just an endless sea of intimacy.

Did you feel any jealousy watching your partner sleep with someone else in front of you, or was it all hot hot hot?
All hot, no jealousy. There’s more anticipation building when more people are involved I think, so after my partner and I have fucked everyone else in the room and we get each other last, there’s this really intense build up.

And of course, I must ask, how was hooking up with another woman for the first time?
Women are amazing! I wish I hadn’t waited so long. Really tender and intuitive and soft and fun and bouncy, like meeeee.

“addiction” is considered a mental disorder

WHO erkennt Krankheit an: Sexsucht ist psychische Störung

Was für die meisten wie eine Ausrede fürs Fremdgehen klingt, ist für Betroffene ein großes Problem: Inzwischen hat die WHO Sexsucht zur psychischen Erkrankung erklärt. (Quelle: Puls 4)

“Sexsucht” ist von der Weltgesundheitsorganisation (WHO) als Krankheit anerkannt worden. Eine Gleichstellung mit Suchtkrankheiten gibt es jedoch nicht.

Die WHO hat “zwanghaftes Sexualverhalten” als psychische Störung anerkannt und in ihren Katalog für Krankheiten aufgenommen. Als Sucht auf einer Stufe mit Glücksspiel oder Drogenmissbrauch klassifiziert die in Genf ansässige Organisation “Sexsucht” jedoch nicht. “Wir haben das Gefühl, dass die Beweise noch nicht vorliegen, dass der Verlauf dem bei Alkohol oder Heroin entspricht”, erklärt WHO-Experte Geoffrey Reed.

  • there is the threat of isolation and neglect: addiction, you can do that, if the desire to disease is
  • obesity and erectile dysfunction: what happens if you didn’t have sex
  • a man on männerklischees: lucas, “why i don’t like penetrativen sex”

In der letzten Aktualisierung ihrer Internationalen Klassifikation der Krankheiten (ICD) bewegt sich die WHO in die Richtung einer Legitimierung des häufig als “Sexsucht” bezeichneten Konzepts der Hypersexualität als psychische Krankheit. Es gebe Menschen, die das Gefühl hätten, ihr sexuelles Verhalten nicht kontrollieren zu können, und darunter leiden, sagt Reed. Die ICD dient weithin als Bezugsnorm für Diagnosen und Krankenversicherungen.

“Sexsucht” gilt nicht als Entschuldigung für kriminelles Verhalten

Der Begriff der “Sexsucht” ist parallel zur #MeToo-Bewegung, im Zuge derer weltweit Menschen über ihre Erfahrungen mit sexueller Misshandlung berichtet haben, vermehrt in der Öffentlichkeit aufgetreten. Die Bewegung hat zahlreiche mächtige Männer zu Fall gebracht, darunter der ehemalige Hollywoodmogul Harvey Weinstein, der Berichten zufolge monatelang wegen angeblicher Sexsucht in Behandlung war.

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WHO-Experte Reed glaubt aber nicht, dass die Aufnahme sexuellen Zwangsverhaltens in das Klassifikationssystem als Entschuldigung für kriminelles Verhalten benutzt werden könne. “Es entschuldigt keinen sexuellen Missbrauch oder Vergewaltigung.” In solchen Fällen werde eine Entscheidung getroffen, kriminell zu handeln.

Verwendete Quellen:

  • afp

sexting, fold the hot news

sexting, fold the hot news

Sexting ist der Austausch von mehr oder minder expliziten Nachrichten, die das Gegenüber heiß machen sollen. Es ist ein zusammengesetzter Begriff aus “Sex” und “texting”, dem englischen Wort für das Schreiben von Nachrichten, zum Beispiel per SMS. Falls Ihnen die nötige Inspiration für den digitalen Dirty Talk fehlen, finden Sie hier Tipps.

Mit Ihrem Flirt einen Schritt weiter gehen, Ihre (Fern-)Beziehung pflegen, die Erotik in der Ehe auffrischen: Es gibt gute Gründe, warum das Versenden von erotischen Nachrichten als sexy Vorspiel taugt. Der Reiz beim Sexting ist, seinen Gedanken freien Lauf zu lassen. Doch nicht jeder ist von Natur aus kreativ beim Schreiben. Wir haben daher Beispiele für Sie zusammengetragen, die Sie zu einem digitalen Dialog inspirieren können.

sexting, fold the hot news

Die Lust entsteht zwischen den Zeilen

Beim Sexting geht es darum, Fantasien zu schildern. Wenn Sie gerne schreiben, können Sie den anderen auch mit einem längeren Text überraschen, in dem Sie eine Sexszene zwischen ihnen schildern, eine Fantasie beschreiben oder sogar eine Kurzgeschichte verfassen und mobil verschicken. Lassen Sie Klischees lieber aus, wie etwa “Ich fasse mir jetzt langsam mit der Hand in die Hose” – das wirkt eher unfreiwillig komisch. Bemühen Sie sich, neue Bilder zu finden.

sexting, fold the hot news

Weniger ist mehr

Es gilt, die Waage zu halten: Je detailreicher Sie schreiben, desto besser kann Ihr Gegenüber sich Ihre Fantasie vorstellen – gleichzeitig ist gerade das Andeuten das Aufregende beim Verführen und sorgt für Kopfkino. Schießen Sie nicht übers Ziel hinaus, bleiben Sie realistisch und ehrlich. Mit Sätzen wie “Ich würde gerade gerne … mit Dir tun”, oder “Ich liebe es, wie Du … mit mir machst” liegen Sie nicht ganz falsch.

Lesen Sie sich vor dem Versenden in jedem Fall noch einmal genau durch, was Sie geschrieben haben, und ob Sie das so stehenlassen würden. Außerdem mindern Rechtschreibfehler den Spaß.

sexting, fold the hot news

Emojis beim Sexting

Bei Whatsapp, Instagram und Co. gibt es Sex-Codes. Dies sind die geläufigsten Emojis für anzügliche Kommunikation:

  • the peach, the tulip and honeypot is either for the vulva or the buttocks of a woman.
  • the eggplant, banana or the corn stands for the penis.
  • the outstretched tongue is a sign of sex.
  • the three raindrops symbolise the orgasm of the man.
  • melons or cherries are breasts.

Doch Achtung: Die bunten Bildchen können schnell peinlich statt sexy wirken. Verwenden Sie Emojis daher lieber sparsam. Ein Zwinkersmiley an den richtigen Stellen ist charmant genug.

sexting, fold the hot news

Safer Sexting

Sexting kann Spaß machen – jedoch nur, wenn man es mit Bedacht tut. Schreiben Sie daher nur mit Menschen, denen Sie absolut vertrauen. Verschicken Sie besser keine Nacktbilder von sich, da Sie keine Kontrolle haben, ob diese an Dritte weitergeleitet werden. Das Gleiche gilt für intime Chats. Nicht selten werden Menschen Opfer von Eifersucht oder Rache nach Beendigung einer Beziehung. Zudem können Fotos auch durch technische Pannen online auftauchen oder Clouds gehackt werden.

Falls Sie sich dennoch dafür entscheiden, bietet “Safer Sexting” nützliche Tipps: Halten Sie beim Fotografieren nicht das Gesicht in die Kamera und verdecken Sie individuelle Kennzeichen wie Muttermale und Tattoos, anhand derer Sie identifiziert werden könnten. So können die intimen Bilder wenigstens nicht mehr für alle Ewigkeit im Netz zugeordnet werden. Wenn Sie nur wenig von sich zeigen, wirkt das verheißungsvoller – und ist zudem sicherer.

sexting, fold the hot news

Vor allem Jugendliche sollten über Risiken aufgeklärt werden

Vor allem Jugendliche nutzen Instantmessager und praktizieren Sexting, um sich sexuell auszuprobieren oder anderen zu gefallen. Mittlerweile gibt es auch Sexting-Apps wie etwa

Doch gerade junge, unerfahrene Menschen laufen Gefahr, unvorsichtigerweise zu viel von sich zu zeigen. In einigen Fällen wurde das private Material zum Cybermobbing missbraucht. Die damals 18-jährige Jessica Logan aus Ohio etwa nahm 2008 sich das Leben, nachdem ihr Ex-Freund ein Nacktbild von ihr in der Schule verbreitete. Eltern helfen ihren Kindern, wenn sie diese aufklären, sodass die Teenager ihr eigenes Medienverhalten hinterfragen.

Verwendete Quellen:

  • own research.

what is meant by sadism and masochism?

the words of sadism and masochism (or “bondage”) are now very fashionable, and know many, in fact, not what is really behind it. in addition, it is to distinguish between different variants, some of which may be punishable. sadism and masochism: the pleasure in the pain of sadism versteht  the tendency of people to dominate, to humiliate or inflict pain. the term is french writer marquis de sade back, in his works, such practices are described. you can, with and without the consent of the partners will take place, as in the case of a rape case. in this case, they are punishable. but also in agreement, it must, according to law, no serious injuries. the counterpart of the sadists are masochists who wish to submit and cause pain. in psychology, the masochism as against itself a form of sadism. he is named after the writer sacher masoch. sadism or masochism is a disease?   if such practices under the consent of all beteiligten  successes, they are up to the above exceptions not punishable in medical terms to classify disease, although it is, of course, theories, such as tendencies arise. a treatment is therefore only for large methods affected, or if there are criminal offences.